Something to Say

For those who know me, you probably know that Jason Matson is someone I created to write poetry. And if you didn’t know that before, now you do. Jason Matson is really me, Rob Cochran, a 37 year-old hypnotherapist/life coach in Seattle, WA.

Jason came to exist out of a need I had to express a part of myself that is potentially too controversial and radical for my professional self.

Some time ago, I created a profile on tribe.net, a networking/community web site as a way to promote my practice as a hypnotherapist and life coach. I would post announcements, workshops, and participate in “tribe” discussions in hopes that people would look at my profile, which was mostly an advertisement for my business. This worked great, and I actually got a few good clients from my postings.

But not all of my postings were business related. Sometimes, I would express my opinions about this or that - opinions that were sometimes very expressive of my feelings and not very “therapeutic” in nature. I quickly learned that being emotional and expressive may be good for my soul, but it’s not very good for business.

Prospective or potential clients expect a “hypnotherapist/life coach” to be somewhat well adjusted and free of emotional turmoil or conflict. After all, I’m paid to help people deal with conflict and create balance in their life, so naturally, they expect that I should model the results they expect to achieve from working with me. Most of the time I do. But what people often don’t understand is that maintaining balance and emotional well-being is an on-going process.

Think of riding a bike; you can build up enough momentum to coast comfortably for a while, but eventually, you have to either begin peddling again or slow to a stop and put your feet on the ground.

Just like anybody else, I have to maintain balance, and sometimes the hills and rough terrain can be a challenge. But when you’re in a therapeutic business, most prospective clients expect to see you coasting comfortably along a smooth and level path because they haven’t learned yet that balance is not in the path, but in the peddling.

I felt like I had a lot to say, but didn’t feel comfortable expressing myself as Rob Cochran, Hypnotherapist & Life Coach.

So I created Jason. As a poet, it’s perfectly acceptable for Jason to be broody and sensitive. Jason can be controversial when needed, and playful and silly when he wants to. Jason carries no credentials, has no expectations, and has nothing to loose by just being himself, which is really just me when I’m not being “Me”.

I realize some may think it pretentious of me to have this alter-ego, but the honest truth is, I really don’t care. I don’t mean that in a bitchy-queeny way, but its just the plain truth. Unflinching honesty is something Jason is really good at. As I spend time being Jason, I am discovering that the qualities I admire in Jason, are really parts of myself.

So now that you know, I’d appreciate your discretion about Jason’s true identity. Not because it’s supposed to be a big secret or anything, but because I take Jason Matson seriously, and I ask that my friends do too.

Jason was born because he has “Something to Say”. I’m not sure if anyone will listen, but either way, he is becoming something of a hero for me. My own personal hero, which I wish to share, and become.

So keep talking Jason, and I'll keep peddling. Eventually, we'll get to where ever we're going. There's no hurry though. As you have said, "What's at the end of a road more oftent than not, nothing but a big ol' parking lot." Life is a trip after all, and the balance is in the peddling.

Postcards

Sad Crayons

Leaving

There’s only so much
A man can give
Of what it takes
For him to live
Before he has to take it back
Though he may lack
The strength to heave
His heavy heart
Cracked and shattered
From his torn and tattered sleeve
There comes a time
When nothing's left
That's when its time to leave.

Madrugada

The sun rose too fast today.
I was just beginning to appreciate
The obscurity of night
But night will be back
And I will be nostalgic for
The memory of day.
Moments pass at the speed of light
There is only now and
Everything else is either
Coming or already gone.
I look at the steam rising
From my coffee
And smile knowingly
That everything’s going to be alright.
So I keep walking and soon
Things have more meaning
Than they did a moment ago
And the street and all the people
Are changed and everything
Including myself
Is beautiful and full of sunshine
Moisture evaporates like
The soul of dying darkness
I’m compelled at times like these
To close my eyes
And silently worship God.

Kaboom!

Dark Places

News Flash

We apologize for the interruption
In your programming,
However, we have breaking news to report.

Reliable sources
Have just confirmed a recent discovery
That has people around the world
Dancing in the streets.
People everywhere
Celebrated as the news spread across the globe
That we are not our credit reports.
I repeat, * we are not our credit reports!

This shocking news was immediately followed
By a landslide of related discoveries:
It turns out that we are also
Not our resumes
Not our cars
Not the brand names we purchase
Not our stock portfolios

We are also not
Our children
Our parents
Our friends
Our employees
Our jobs
Our positions
Our titles
Our awards
Our prizes

Nor are we
Our Social Security numbers
Our telephone numbers
Our employee numbers
Our customer numbers
Our account numbers
Our license numbers
Our claim numbers
Our case numbers

Naturally, this raises the question of
What are we?

It is our understanding that we are something
But what, has yet to be determined.
Scientists, Philosophers, and
The leaders of the world’s great religions
Have gathered in Paris
To discuss how these very important discoveries
Will affect their explanations about
Life on Earth.

The most anyone can say at this point
Is that who or what we are
Is far greater than anything previously imagined.

We have also just learned that
Diamonds are not really forever
Because forever is actually much, much longer
Than we ever thought.
Nor are they necessarily a girl’s best friend
In fact, it seems that a girls best friend
Is none other than
Her best friend.

It has also been confirmed that
Money does not make the world go around
Nor is it the root of all evil.
In fact, money is really nothing at all
And has absolutely nothing to do
With value or worth.

The news of these discoveries
Has undoubtedly had a profound impact on the world
And especially in the United States.

In California, tanning salons and gyms began closing
As soon as people realized they could
Exercise outdoors in the sunshine.

Disneyland was abandoned once people understood
That happiness is not a place or a meal
Nor a thing to be pursued
But an attribute of nature
That is universally available to anyone
Who chooses to experience it.

In Las Vegas, casinos were empty once people
Noticed that nothing at all was happening in them.

In the mid-west, major league sports teams disbanded
When the players and fans realized
Winning has nothing to do with competition.

Some of the world’s most prestigious schools and universities
Have announced they will stop charging tuition or issuing diplomas
Instead, anyone who wishes to learn
May freely learn from anyone who wishes to be taught.

Doctors and nurses around the globe
Have begun treating and healing people for free
Because they now understand
That it’s wrong to only care for some and not for others.

Wars have been halted
And world-wide peace has broken out
As soldiers everywhere are laying down their weapons
And are choosing instead to help repair and heal war-torn nations.

By all accounts, it appears that a global revolution has began to occur.
The world’s stock markets have all collapsed and
People on every continent have begun to help each other
Not out of obligation from payment but
Out of kindness and compassion
Out of love and respect
Out of forgiveness and gratitude
Out of joy and celebration.

Some governments have even forgiven all debt
And countries that were once impoverished
Are now seeing truck-loads, plane-loads,
Boat-loads and train-loads
Of food, books, supplies, tools, and people
Lining their ports and borders
Eager to alleviate hunger and suffering.

In fact, a new world economy has begun to take shape
An economy not of competition over capital
But of equality, diversity and integrity.
An economy based on balance and peace.

People everywhere, freed from the pressure
To buy more, have more, in order to be more,
Are quitting their high paying corporate jobs
And starting to do things that are really important
Like traveling, learning, healing, evolving, and creating.

There has been a flood of new art, poetry, and music.
Many museums and galleries are now open 24-hours a day
And are packed around the clock with artists and patrons
Of every genre and media imaginable
Enjoying the free exchange of ideas and creativity.

But as incredible as this news is,
Not everyone is pleased about it.
Particularly the wealthy and the powerful.
Some have been observed wandering the streets
Desperately trying to hire people to guard and protect them
But since the news about the discoveries broke
It seems that no matter what wage is offered,
The position remains
Unfilled.

There are reports of small groups of men and women
Demanding to be told who they are
Huddled together near banks, court houses, and other government buildings
Fending off anyone offering to help or explain
Who is not wearing an official uniform.

In some cities, confused individuals
Spend days and weeks in front of television sets
Flipping endlessly through channel after channel
Trying in vain to find a product they can identify with
But the only thing being broadcast
is PBS.

Wait a minute, we’ve just received an update.
This just in from the United States government:
The White House has just issued a statement
Claiming that these amazing discoveries
Are false.

In fact, the President insists the sources responsible for these claims
Are actually terrorists who hate freedom and hate America
And are organizing an attack to destroy everything that we
As freedom-loving Americans hold so dear.

Government officials are urging everyone to
Pay close attention to their television
For information and instructions.

In the mean time, the government is recommending that everyone
Simply carry on, and continue to work and shop as normal,
But to be on the look-out for “terrorists” or “evil doers”
Who are very unpatriotic, and want everyone to be poor
And not eat meat and go bare-foot all the time.

The President, in an address to the public this afternoon,
Issued a message to all freedom-loving Americans
That we must be prepared to sacrifice our liberty
In order to preserve our freedom by liberating
The un-free who freely wish to be liberated
By freedom fighters who will fight
For the freedom and the liberty
To spread freedom to those
Who have not been fully liberated
From their own freedom So that we,
as the liberators of freedom
Will have the liberty
To Freely liberate ourselves
On the world

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program

Wake Up!

Wake up!
Fire! Fire!
Sound the alarm! This is not a drill!
We are in great danger!
The smoke is suffocating us, the fire will consume us
Unless we all wake up now and
And see this burning building where we have been sleeping
Comfortably in our warm beds for such a long time.

Oblivious to the build-up of volatile gas
Generated by our burning desire
For combustible things
While keeping the windows closed
To prevent the loss of soothing heat
And avoid the changing seasons
Of the reality outside our walls.

For we have grown so accustomed
To leisurely freedoms of summer
That we have forgotten the peace of winter’s stillness
Or the beauty of autumn’s transition
Or the joy of spring’s re-birth.

As we slumbered in our warm and snuggly
Blankets and pillows
Dreaming our dreams and wishing our wishes
The air within our walls grew heavy with fumes
Of evaporating content

Until a spark of terror
On a clear September morning
Ignited the flames of hatred and fear
Which are spreading faster and faster
Fanned by ignorance
Fueled by greed and indifference
Stoked by guilt and shame!

Wake up everyone, for the love of god!
Wake up and remember who you are!
There’s no need to seek shelter from
The changing of the seasons
Because ultimately
We are the same
We are the summer, the autumn, the winter, and spring
We are the sun, the snow, the wind, and rain.

Wake up everyone
And pour yourselves boldly onto this murderous fire!
Though it may burn you, remember all that is at stake
And force yourself to stay awake!
There’s no time to stretch and yawn and bend
Wake up now
Or all this
Will end!

The Sawman

The noise was barely noticeable at first. You hear a lot of noises living on Capitol Hill in Seattle; sirens, motorcycles, busses, leave blowers, garbage trucks, car alarms, and crazy people. It began with the simple rhythmic back and forth sound of cutting through soft wood with a handsaw. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I decided they must be pruning the hedges outside the building. When I moved into this 1910 brick-wood-and-plaster apartment building, one of the features that attracted me to it were these enormous camellia trees and laurel hedges that surrounded the building. It gave the place sort of an old world, Alice-in-Wonderland kind of feeling.

However, the building had been sold about a month back and was now being managed by a property management company rather than a private owner. Not long after the building was sold, the new managers decided to “trim” the laurel hedges out front of our building, which were admittedly in need of a little care. I can sort of understand why they were allowed to get so shaggy – it’s a lot of work to maintain those hedges, and unless you do it yourself, keeping them up can be expensive.

Well, the new managers took care of that problem and hired a tree service company to cut the hedges in front of the building in half! Not give them a trim, but literally cut these 10-foot hedges in HALF. Well of course, it looked terrible. These once majestic plants that had grown there for more than half a century were suddenly reduced to squatty bare bushes with a few freaked-out leaves twitching around the base.

Now, as I heard the small chain saws, I thought, “I can’t believe their going to cut them back even further.” But I was heavily involved in a project and decided basically to tune it out. After all, what could I do? It's beyond my control. But it became harder and harder to ignore as the screeching sound of the saw blades tearing through thicker and thicker branches.

Suddenly I heard a woman screaming, “What the hell are you doing? Mother fuckers!” It was my neighbor Natalie from down the hall. Of all my neighbors in the building of approximately 30 or so units with 4 floors, Natalie is among my favorite. She is a radical in every sense of the word. Nothing about Natalie is ordinary. She's a sassy broad from New York and remembers the 70's but lives in the present. Her style is eccentric and extreme - with wild hats, animal prints, shiny black vinyl boots, and fake fur outfits. She's the lead singer of a really cool, artsy, Goth band, called Lady Shiva and Licorice Lounge. For money, she teaches yoga and meditation classes. I first met Natalie when I locked myself out of my apartment one time, and she let me hang out with her in her apartment and gave me some soup and corn bread while we waited for the landlord to drive over from Graham (about 30 miles away) with a spare key.

I decided to put on my coat and hat and walk outside to see exactly what was going on. Natalie had gone back into her apartment and was on the phone with the manager. As I descended in the elevator, I could still hear her yelling into the phone, "I'm furious! What the hell is going on!" I got downstairs and there he was, a man about my age in coveralls shoving huge piles of branches and whole trees into an enormous wood chipper. I asked him what was going on, and he said the owners wanted all the trees and bushes surrounding the building to be cut down because it blocked the view of the building from the street. "These trees have been here for nearly a century. What a shame that they're being cut down" I said.

"Yeah, I know. These are some beautiful old trees." he replied.

"So then why are your doing this then?" I asked in response to his statement. He looked at me with bewilderment - not sure if I was serious or not.

"Because they're paying me." He said without much thought.

"So because somebody pays you, that means it's okay to do something you know is a shame?"

"what are you talking about?" He said.

"Well, you just agreed with me that you know it's a shame to cut down these very old and beautiful trees, yet here you're doing exactly that."

"Look, I'm just doing my job. Why are you giving me a hard time?"

"I just want to know why you would participate in something if you know its shameful."

"Are these condos or something? Do you own a part of this building?"

"No, these are apartments. "

"Well the owners of this building can cut down all the trees they want."

"But this is our home. We may not own the building, but we live here. How would you feel if some one came to your house and started tearing up your yard?"

"I own my house, and I have a mortgage to pay. You don't pay the mortgage on this building, or the property taxes, the owners do. And they're the ones who pay me to cut down these trees so I can pay my mortgage and property taxes on my house which I own!"

"But doesn't the bank own your house? If you don't pay your mortgage the bank can take it away from you. And if you don't pay your property taxes, the government can put you in jail. So who really owns your house?"

"Look man, what's you point. I gotta get back to work."

"My point is, you may think that you own the things you own, but all of it can be taken away from you or lost. You're house is not the same as your home. Home is something intangible, an idea that you create - your home is yours, your house is not. This may not be my building, but it is my home. It is disrespectful to me to alter my home without talking to me about it. You acknowledged that it was a shame to cut down these trees, yet you're doing it anyway, and I want to know why."

"Yeah, it's a shame that I have to cut down these trees, but I’ve been unemployed for a month, what the hell do you want me to do? Not do my job, not get paid, let my family starve, and loose my house, all so you can have your goddamn camellias? Screw you!"

I didn't know what to say. I realized this guy was not my enemy. He's just someone getting by in the world the best way he knows how, the same as me. I felt tremendously sad and sorry all of a sudden. Sorry that I had harassed him, but also sorry that I had failed to get through to him.

"You're right." I said, "I'm sorry. This isn't your fault. " He didn't say a word. He just turned the wood chipper back on and began shoving more branches through.

I went back upstairs. I knocked on Natalie's door, but she didn't answer. I went back to my apartment and sat in the chair by the window and watched them clear the trees until there was nothing left but several stumps.

I began to ponder what this was all about. What was I really trying to say? Why was I so bothered by a few trees? But it wasn't just the trees. It was the violence of it. Here it was, a peaceful and clear morning, the sun shined down on the trees as they had for decades, giving off oxygen, providing a home for all the creatures that dwelled there, a place for countless birds to perch and sing outside our windows, a place for homeless people to stash their bags of food, shade for the building and passersby, flowers that perfumed the air when the camellias were in bloom, etc. Then in less than an hour, they were gone - shattered and shredded into millions of bits, leaving the building naked and exposed. And all of this because the property owners wanted prospective tenants to be able to see the building better from the street. It seemed like such a violation - a rape almost. And it troubled me that anyone would participate in such an act, knowing, as the sawman did, that it was “a shame”. Even though the sawman was not without his justifications. But what really affected me was the words “let my family starve”. This truly was important, more so than his house, and more so than the camellias. Were I in his shoes, I would feel the same way. This man had to make a choice – cut down our camellia trees, or let his family starve – it was a no-brainer.

The property owners also made a choice – to hire Emerald City Tree Trimming to cut down the trees. Since there are multiple tree-trimming services in Seattle, I’m sure they got bids from a few companies before deciding on the one that was the most cost effective. Their motivation – to make it easier for prospective tenants to see the building from the street, and possibly to avoid the cost of maintaining the trees which were healthy and grew rapidly. This would allow the corporation that recently bought our building to save a significant amount of money. In addition, prospective tenants could see the “for rent” signs from the street, which meant the corporation could spend less money on advertising for vacancies. Also, the homeless people (of which there seem to be a lot more of these days) would have to find someplace else to stash their bags of food and bed rolls, and rent paying tenants (current or prospective) wouldn’t have to see them anymore or be made uncomfortable by the occasional plea for spare change. It would seem that the motivation for making this drastic change to the landscape of our building was profit. And what does profit allow? The accumulation of more things in order to make even more profit and get more things and so on and so on. Thus, we have the phenomenon known as GREED. A maddening cycle of want – buy – have – want – buy – have, driven by the belief that matter is the only thing real in the universe.

We are so enslaved, I thought, by our material world that we are willing to ignore or dismiss things like love, compassion, forgiveness, respect, and gratitude, for the sake of maintaining and increasing our material possessions, including our physical bodies.

What would it take for us to free ourselves? Nothing less than a shift in consciousness of Copernican proportion, I think. We believe matter is all that "matters" because we believe that only matter is real, and anything that is non-material is secondary or doesn't even exist. But all matter must come to an end, and even diamonds aren’t really forever.

When we give someone flowers, it's not really the flowers that are the gift, but rather, the experience of receiving flowers. The flowers themselves will die in a few days and be thrown out, but the pleasure and joy generated by receiving them will linger in the heart and memory of the person who received them for years, if not the rest of their life. It may even lead to a compassion and/or inspiration for the person who received them, which could lead to a chain of events that could impact the future for everyone everywhere for ever and ever. Therefore, the entropy of giving and receiving flowers is eternal, while the material components are temporary.

I wonder what would happen it were to be proven beyond all question that matter was secondary, and that the nature of reality was actually non-material, including our own bodies and brains. How would things be different if we knew for a fact that the material universe, which we experience with our senses, was merely a shadow of a deeper reality, as Plato suggested in his allegory of the cave over two thousand years ago.

Would we be as concerned about our money, our cars, our clothes, our buildings, or as obsessed with our bodies? Maybe non-material realities such as love, compassion, respect, forgiveness, and gratitude, would be far more important than the material things associated with them. And maybe people would think less about material gains and more about increasing the positive entropy of the universe as a whole, because in such a non-local reality, our experience of ourselves as being separate from each other and everything else in the universe is only an illusion.

I looked around at my apartment, for which I had not paid rent yet, and tried to look at it through this paradigm. Nothing around me seemed to “matter”. Not my desk, my piano, my computer, my furniture, my microwave, or my hair products. The only things that seemed to have any value at all were things that I had attached meaning – like pictures, letters, cards, and various mementos from loved ones. But even those things were transient, and their real worth lied not in their material manifestations.

It occurred to me that as long as I was tethered to all my stuff, my address, and my income, I would always be like the sawman who believed he had no option but to engage in an activity that he knew to be shameful. I realized my reaction to him wasn’t about the Camellias or the Laurels, it was about what they represented – the meaning they carried. Their violent removal became a symbol our devotion to the material – the rape of our hopes, and dreams, and very lives, all in the name of capitalism, and corporate greed.

I went downstairs just in time to see the sawman get in his vehicle and wave at me as he drove away. I sat down on the steps in front of the building, looked at the barren plot of earth where once stood giant camellia trees and now only stumps and saw dust, and began to weep.

A Strange Dream

A few days before Christmas 2004, I had a strange dream; I dreamt I was standing in a courtyard made of stone and marble lined with tall hedges. It was a beautiful day, and there were many people talking and laughing. Suddenly I heard wooshing sound and looked up. Over the high wall of hedges I saw an even higher wall of water coming. People were screaming and running. I remember thinking to myself, "hold your breath!" Then the water overcame me and I felt myself swept up in an icy whirling cyclone of darkness. Then, in an instant, it was gone and I was in another part of the courtyard. I could hear water dripping and echoing through the cavernous pavillion. I "felt" someone say something to me. I turned around and saw an elderly Indian woman wearing a bright yellow sari, signaling me with her hands to follow her. She had a beautiful smile on her face.

How I Became a Madman

By Kahlil Gibran

"You ask me how I became a madman. It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks were stolen -- the seven masks I have fashioned and worn in seven lives -- I ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, 'Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves.'

Men and women laughed at me and some ran to their houses in fear of me.
And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house-top cried, "He is a madman." I looked up to behold him; the sun kissed my own naked face for the first time. For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my masks no more. And as if in a trance I cried, 'Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks.'
Thus I became a madman. "